Caught RedHanded
by Doctor-River
Summary: The Pandorica Opens: Someone else is at the Royal Collection when the Van Gogh painting is stolen, this could be either very good or very bad depending on how you look at it...


**A/N: This is a one shot I wrote based upon an interview the marvellous Alex Kingston, or as we Whovians know her as River Song, gave about her opinions on Series 5. She said that in the scene where River steals the painting she wanted her to be wearing cat ears and have a tail since she is a 'cat burglar', but the crew disagreed as they wanted it to be a more serious scene, but Alex argued River is a serious character but this shows her fun side too and it adds a bit of Alex's camp style to it, as she is a part of River and River is a part of her.**

**Now she said she also wondered how the Doctor would have reacted if he saw River in the museum with the painting and well being a total Doctor/River fan I took full advantage of this so enjoy...**

The various paintings, hanging in the foyer shrouded with darkness, still shared their secrets with the universe even if they couldn't be seen. They were displayed, never to be forgotten. Throughout decades, millennia even, paintings have been collected and placed in the Royal Collection to be preserved throughout time and space. However, there was one painting that held a different story one that had to be hidden from the prying eyes of reality. Only those who have seen beyond the stars understood the ambiguous meaning behind it and truly 'saw' it. Tonight that painting will be stolen...

And who better to make sure the heist shall succeed is none other than the world-famous River Song...

She is a young, successful archaeologist who has the potential to become a brilliant professor- contradicting her own job, she is also a time traveller half of the time. But, her night life differs completely, a wanted criminal for thieving, time tampering, murder, refusal to be cooperative and escape from Stormcage are just for starters all in one sequence of events, this woman was tricky- a manipulative femme fatale with a passion for trouble.

This heist however was not just for fun or for profit but for the safety of every single person in the entire universe. It wasn't very often to find River trying to be on the good side but this was one of those rarities- despite the fact she is breaking a law to save the universe. It was just typical of River to have trouble follow her wherever she goes, whether it's intentional or not- she always has to break the rules to see how far she can go before she oversteps her mark. Thievery was just one small minority that would be added to her infinite number of committed crimes, one of her lesser crimes so it didn't even faze her if she was caught- she could just escape, River Song _always_ escapes...

She strode confidently down the stairs of the hall, flashlight in hand like a typical burglar. There was just one difference, she hadn't been caught yet- all others who break into the Royal Collection don't last even half the time she has so far. Her target was in sight, the painting that was essential for the universe to continue its existence. She smirked when the flashlight illuminated the canvas, a successful burglar she was indeed if it was found that easily. She took a moment to examine the painting, her aqua eyes scanning it, reading it trying to figure it out. After a brief moment, she ripped the painting from the frame so quickly and expertly that she simply pivoted on her heels and sauntered off with it in her hands.

Whilst making her swift, professional exit she had rolled up the canvas and had started to sprint quietly up the staircase- escape within her grasp. 'The things I do for you Doctor.' She thought skipping two steps at a time on the second flight of stairs. Her heart pounding, she knew the universe depended on this painting being taken to the right place at the right time; if she messed it up, then everything could just end there and then. So far, so good no non-chronological run-ins, no weapons being aimed at her, nothing compromising her escape...

That all changed when a loud click echoed in the foyer, the lights switched on- exposing River- this compromised her escape, she could be discovered; one down on her list of successions in this plan to be failed, two to go. She froze dead in her tracks on the staircase, her foot slightly scuffing the red rug halting her attempt to flee. Her eyes surveyed the room, resting on her escape route. Atop the staircase a gun barrel staring at River's torso- this was the second of the three successions slashed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the female behind the gun snapped, her voice deep and full of pride.

River slowly raised her hands above her head then cautiously took several steps up the staircase to look the other women directly as she prepared to explain herself.

"Ma'am, I need to get this to the Doctor." River seriously spoke.

"The Doctor." She scoffed in disbelief as she tilted her gun in her hand for a moment debating whether this woman was genuine or just a lying thief. "This is the Royal Collection, that is a painting from my collection and I'm the bloody Queen." The ever-so familiar line of Liz 10, Star ship UK's current Queen.

"Please just take a look at the painting. If you know the Doctor at all then you'd understand why I have to take this to him." River's heart was in her mouth as she tried to explain as quickly as she could. The cracks in time were getting bigger each second, and if this painting isn't where it's supposed to be, the whole universe would be swallowed up into nothingness and nothing would ever have existed.

Liz 10 studied River's concerned face; she knew this woman was telling the truth, any good Queen would. She took hold of the canvas River had presented to her then she unfolded it only to be greeted by a nightmare of a painting that would even send the Doctor's hearts into meltdown from the shock and confusion. The swirl of the paint on the canvas created the image of the Doctor's beloved TARDIS shattering into a million pieces in an intense explosion. "Ok... you can take it to him," Liz 10 nodded her head and handed the canvas back to River, "Can I just ask, what is your name?" she questioned recognising the woman slightly.

River opened her mouth ready to answer but before she could respond, the words came from a different person, behind Liz 10.

"River..."

"...Doctor?"

River stood in disbelief, the Doctor in his tweed jacket and all too familiar bow-tie was right behind Liz 10 with Amy Pond close by, and he too looked stunned. This was the third and final thing to go wrong- non-chronological run-ins; this plan was now considered a failure in River's eyes. She slowly walked up the stairs as the Doctor symmetrically walked down them until they almost met in the middle.

The Doctor froze, completely mesmerised by River. His eyes looked her up and down, she was even sexier than last time he saw her. She was dressed in a very tight black leather outfit, which generously revealed her temptingly curvy figure and showed a lot of cleavage, this was matched with black high heeled boots that came up to her knees. There was also one thing that made River... well, River...

"River...?" he finally spoke.

"Yes?" she purred smirking.

"What's with the ears and tail?" he asked inspecting her attire once more.

"...Spoilers, Sweetie, spoilers." She grinned with her trademark wink; she sure was one foxy cat.

"Oh, right..." the Doctor sighed.

"Besides, it's very me!" she justified, still very vaguely at that. She fluffed up her ponytail, smiling widely at the Doctor. "You said so yourself, once..."

The Doctor thought for a moment, trying to figure her out. "...Did I make you wear that?"

"In a sense... but that's a story for another day." She smirked, remembering it well.

River was quite the eccentric, fun loving, provocative woman. He had to admit, he did like the cat ears and tail on her. He watched her twiddle the tail round in her hand. Raising an eyebrow at how much she turned him on, his eyes wondered to her breasts once again, he had never seen so much of her chest, either way he enjoyed it.

River extended one of her arms and placed her hand under the Doctor's chin, slowly lifting it with her index finger. "...Sweetie, my face is here." She looked him in the eyes now.

"Well done on being subtle there, Doc." Amy's loud Scottish voice bellowed to him.

The Doctor shot a glare round to Amy before turning back to face River, he blushed. He hadn't realised he had been staring at her breasts for quite some time. Not that anyone could blame him, River had quite nice breasts and in a tight leather low cut top, how could anyone resist?

"Sorry..." he mumbled now refusing to make eye contact with any part of her body.

River smiled looking at him, waiting for him to return the look. She tilted her head to one side slightly then her eyes wondered to the canvas in her hand, thankful he hadn't wanted her to explain. She tried to figure out what he was doing here, what he was thinking about this very moment as he still refused to look at her after getting embarrassed. She knew he wasn't going to be saying anything soon, otherwise he'll feel stupid- she can tell by his face, that face she can read like a book but it's a shame he doesn't know it yet.

"I honestly wasn't expecting you here Doctor, you can't know what this is about yet, I'm sorry. You'll have to wait a little bit longer; it's too early for you to know anything about this." She held up the rolled-up canvas and patted his chest with the end of it. "...or _us_." She added sounding sorrowful after the pause she took.

"Will I find out soon?" he asked, sounding slightly hopeful. River was just about to explain how complex their relationship will be getting until, "What the painting is about?"

"Soon enough..." she simply replied with a small smile. She was hoping that he'd be more eager to find out about them, but after all the universe is more important and she had to make sure her priorities stayed that way.

With that said she turned around and walked down the staircase, looking for another way out so that she didn't have to pass by them, in case either the Doctor or Amy finds out something they aren't meant to about the painting when it's too early. Also, she had the feeling that Amy would quiz her on everything about the Doctor if she passed her. She had almost reached the bottom of that staircase when the Doctor who was left standing on his own leapt down a couple of steps then called out her name eagerly.

"River, wait!" he chimed skipping down the rest of the steps closing the gap between them.

As River turned to face him, she was swept off her feet when she suddenly found her lips pressed to his. The Doctor threw himself at her, pushing her against the stone wall at the bottom of the staircase, tenderly kissing her. One of his hands rested on the back of her neck, entwining itself with the curls of her ponytail, keeping the kiss secure, whilst his other trailed up and down her side occasionally halting at her breast or on her hip before sliding further to the front of her body, exploring everything about her.

Regaining her consciousness of the situation, River finally started to kiss the Doctor back sucking his lip as he did with hers responding in the same skilful way he'd expect to see a lot more of in the future. It was a battle of love superiority. The Doctor's tongue licked her lips before entering her mouth tasting her. River embraced every move the Doctor was making; she wrapped her arms around his neck implying she didn't want the kiss to end anytime soon.

The Doctor being driven completely by love and impulses moved his hips into River's as his arm slid round her back pulling her into him. She responded by placing one leg on the Doctor's hip, moving in time with him and a faint moan escaping from the back of her throat. It sent a sensation that buzzed all through the Doctor's body and he pressed into her harder with more passion. His hand that been exploring her body moments before now fiddled with her cat tail twisting it in his fingers, running his palm up and down it before resuming feeling her body.

"Should we do something about this?" Liz 10 whispered to Amy feeling somewhat awkward.

"Nah, it's probably best to just leave them to it. After all, if they're married in the future then it's about time the Doctor had a wake-up call!" Amy laughed.

"They're married?"

"Well I don't know but I assume so by the way she acts around him. You see, they keep meeting in the wrong order and I think she is his future wife or something, but she can't say because of spoilers."

The Doctor completely ignored Amy blurting out to Liz 10 about her theory of his future, he was only fixated on River. He enjoyed her presence being so close to him as he pressed his body into hers once more- he could feel her breasts on his pectorals and what a sensational feeling it was. His hands slipped round behind her back pulling her into him, keeping her close.

River placed her other leg on the Doctor's hip, wrapping them both around his waist. She now started to take control over the kiss now she was more aware of what the Doctor wanted- surprisingly a lot more than she expected this early in his timeline. He was a confident kisser, positive that he wanted to do this with River; in fact he was even prepared to take her back to the TARDIS and go all the way. He placed his index finger and thumb on the zip of her top that was over her cleavage ever so slightly tugging it down, he wanted her so much.

"I hate to break up the love fest, Mr and Mrs Doctor but don't we have places to go, you know usual stuff?" Amy called over to the Doctor who looked quite happy with River.

The Doctor froze when he realised that Amy was talking to him and then he turned around to face her. River who was still completely taken over by his sudden impulsive actions slowly opened her eyes peering round the Doctor to look at Amy and Liz 10, like they were a pair of teenagers caught by their mum. She pressed her lips together, blushing as she directed her gaze to the Doctor who turned back to her trying to suppress giggles. This sent them both into a fit of immature laughter.

"What exactly is so funny?" Liz 10 raised a curious eyebrow.

"Nothing!" River barely managed to speak through her laughter.

"Explain! What's funny?" Amy grew impatient.

"We... almost forgot you were there!" the Doctor blurted out and River hit him on the arm.

"You did actually!" she defended.

As the Doctor continued the hysterics with River he slowly and regrettably released his hold on her, letting her have her freedom back. He stepped aside, still laughing like a child as River moved away from the wall and she too was laughing. Amy watched the pair behave so differently than last time they were together, she folded her arms and raised her eyebrows in confusion, surprise but also knowingly.

"Done now?" Amy asked.

The Doctor nodded to Amy, finally calming down. "Well... it was nice seeing you again River." he cleared his throat and smartened up his appearance. "But Amy's right, we have to go."

"Likewise..." River agreed to both of his statements. She turned her body to face the second staircase before looking over her shoulder to the Doctor. "...I'll see you round, Sweetie." She grinned taking a few steps towards the staircase. "And that's when things will get interesting." She teased with another provocative wink.

"River, who are you?" the Doctor asked, still desperate to know.

"All in due time..." she smirked before facing the staircase and making her way down the steps.

From what he could establish, the Doctor had a lot to look forward to with River Song but its all spoilers for him at the moment and some day it'll all be spoilers for her and that's when everything changes...


End file.
